All's Hair in Love and War
by MrDrP
Summary: The fur, or perhaps we should say hair, flies when Bonnie embarks on her first villainous escapade ... COMPLETE


I.

Bonnie Rockwaller lounged by the pool on Senior Island, enjoying chocolate-covered strawberries while catching some much-appreciated rays with her ridiculously rich and doting boyfriend by her side. It was the least she deserved after enduring a summer cooped up with Steve Barkin in a classroom, all to earn the one credit she needed to receive her high school diploma. Now that academic drudgery was a thing of the past, nothing was going to interfere with the one-time high school queen bee's long-delayed me-time.

"I do not understand this," Junior said, his brow furrowed.

"What?" Bonnie asked as she slid her sunglasses down her nose.

"Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable are on the cover of _Sports Visual_," he said, his confusion manifest. "It is not as if they are international teen pop sensations."

"Give me that," Bonnie snapped as she swiped the magazine from her beau's hands. The erstwhile Food Chain maven frowned as she looked at the periodical's cover, which featured a picture of Kim and Ron, who were smiling and holding hands as they stood at the fifty yard line of their college's football stadium. Kim was wearing their school's cheer squad uniform while Ron was sporting the school's football jersey. Beneath the picture were the words, "Team Possible: Heroes On the Field, In the Field."

Bonnie's mood worsened as she looked at the spread inside the magazine. There she found pictures of Kim and Ron in mission mode, of Ron setting a school rushing record in only his second game, and of Kim participating in a cheer. All of this galled her. But what really got Bonnie's goat was the photomontage of Kim doing a routine. The photographer had managed to capture his subject's athleticism and grace in a stunning series of pictures. The fluidity of Kim's motions was highlighted by her flowing auburn mane.

Against her better judgment, Bonnie scanned the text of the article.

_Kim Possible, teen hero and college freshman, really can do anything: she's double majoring in international politics and archaeology, participating on the college cheer squad, and, with Ron Stoppable, her longtime partner and boyfriend, who also happens to be the football team's breakout star, still finds time to save the world._

Bonnie groaned as she turned to the end of the story, which featured a Q&A with Kim.

_SV: You were captain of the squad in high school. Does it bother you that you're now at the bottom of the pyramid?_

_KP: It's no big. Cheering is a team activity. I'm one of the girls and just want to do my part._

"Puh-leeze, Possible," Bonnie muttered. "You are such a phony."

_SV: What's the best part of being on the College Cheer Squad?_

_KP: Honestly? Cheering on Ron. He's always had my back and it's great to have his._

_SV: So, he's a good boyfriend?_

_KP: He's the best._

"You only say that because he's your lapdog," Bonnie said. "And the loser only follows you around because he's had the hots for you since he was eight."

_SV: As a member of the Cheer Squad, what are you looking forward to most this year?_

_KP: Taking on our archrivals in the National Cheer-offs. We've got a great squad this year and I so think we can beat them._

Bonnie finished the article, then dropped the magazine to the flagstone in disgust. She reached for her iced tea and found herself confronted by Kim's smiling visage, which looked up at her from poolside. The brunette looked at her old classmate through narrowed eyes, then began to smile.

_You might be Little Miss Smug Mug now, K_, Bonnie thought, _but when I get done with you, the last thing you'll want to do is be on a magazine cover or in a nationally televised competition._

II.

Senor Senior was more than happy to let Bonnie use his credit card when she told him she wanted to do something evil. The old billionaire had been hoping that the ill-tempered young woman might inspire his son to embrace villainy. That began to appear to be nothing more than a forlorn desire as Bonnie only seemed interested in herself. Now, however, she was showing commendable motivation. He had heard from Junior about the animosity Bonnie held towards Kim Possible – now she had devised a plan to act on those feelings, one that would require the services of a scientist with no scruples who could be enticed to quickly create something that could be used against the teen hero.

"You will do everything by the code?" Senor Senior asked.

"You mean like gloat after I've beaten K?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "It would be the correct thing to do after you have defeated Miss Possible."

Bonnie appeared to give the matter some thought. "Well, I had kind of planned to just slip in and out, but gloating could be like so fun."

"It is most satisfying," Senior said encouragingly. "You must also laugh."

"Laugh?" she replied.

"Oh, yes," he said. "I would recommend that you practice. I would be honored if you would join me for my evil chuckle exercises."

Bonnie wanted to say something snarky, but, focused on her goal, reminded herself that Senor Senior was one of the five richest men in the world. "I'd love to do that," she purred.

"That is most excellent," he said as he reached into his wallet and withdrew his black Union Express Titanium card, which he handed to Bonnie.

III.

"You're sure this will work?" Bonnie asked skeptically as she held up the bottle of clear liquid.

"Young lady, do I look like some kind of fraud?" replied her host, who, though he wore a white doctor's coat, sat behind a desk littered with books that would not be found in any reputable physician's office.

"Well, you are working out of a lair," she replied snarkily.

"The rent's better and I don't have to pay real estate taxes," the man said defensively.

"I don't know. I'm not sure about this," Bonnie said as she looked around the office, taking in the framed certificates and degrees that hung on the walls. "Maybe I should shop around. Find someone else with, like, more official looking diplomas or certificate thingies."

"Paper isn't everything," Fred U. Lent protested. "What's important is what it represents. I have two – count them, two! – degrees from VMI!" the holder of both an M.D. and Ph.D. in Evil Medicine from the Virtual Medical Institute declared indignantly.

"Whatever," Bonnie said, wanting to get on with things. "This just better work like you promised. Otherwise my boyfriend's father will buy your school and rescind your degrees."

"Don't worry, Miss Rockwaller," Lent said reassuringly. "The formula will work as promised. Ten to fifteen minutes and poof."

"Poof?"

"Poof," Lent said with demonstrative hand gestures. "It should be quite impressive to see."

"And you're sure it's permanent?"

"As far as my simulations can tell."

"Good," the now maliciously grinning Bonnie said as she laid Senor Senior's card on the dodgy doctor's desk and imagined Kim's reaction after the formula took effect.

IV.

Gaining access to the women's locker room proved to be surprisingly easy for Bonnie. Nobody paid attention to the brunette, who was wearing a school sweatshirt and jeans, looking like the average college student. She had slipped in, found Kim's things, introduced the formula into her shampoo, and found a corner where she could hide and enjoy the show. While Bonnie's first instinct was still to leave, she had to admit that Senor Senior was right: the prospect of gloating was enticing, to say the least.

As expected, Kim came in alone after her martial arts workout. She took off her gi, put on a robe, gathered her soap and shampoo and headed to the shower. A few minutes later, she returned to her locker and got dressed. She was surprised when she heard a familiar voice from her past.

"Hello, K."

Kim turned to see the smirking visage of Bonnie Rockwaller.

"Bonnie?" she asked, wholly unaware as to what would soon transpire. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching you move to Humiliation Nation," she said with satisfaction.

"What are you talking about?" Kim asked just before her scalp began to tingle.

"Let's just say it's going to be so the drama," Bonnie said as she grinned at her former classmate.

"I don't know what your game is," Kim growled as the tingling grew more intense and uncomfortable. "But you are going to be so busted."

"Big words, Possible," Bonnie said. "But if I were you, I'd be worrying about what you're going to do after you're dropped from the cheer squad and that loser boyfriend dumps you for being a freak."

"What are you—"

Kim stopped mid-sentence when her hair fell out. She looked down and, to her horror, saw an impressive auburn heap about her feet. She then reached up to touch her now barren pate as if to confirm what she'd just seen but couldn't quite believe.

"My hair …" Kim said, stunned.

Bonnie savored the moment, then held up a mirror so Kim could see her new look. The teen hero's jaw dropped.

"You know, I was wrong," Bonnie said as she whipped out a camera and took a picture. "Stoppable may like you this way – you'll remind him of that gross pet of his. Just make sure he doesn't confuse the two of you."

Kim recovered from her shock and jumped Bonnie, pinning her to the locker room floor. "This better not be permanent," she said.

Bonnie couldn't help but laugh. "A permanent is the last thing you should be thinking about." Her lips drew into a cruel smile before she added, "Now or ever."

"Fine," Kim said as she rose to her feet, pulling her former classmate up with her. Kim began to drag Bonnie to her locker to retrieve the adulterated shampoo. "Since you're all about this new look, B, maybe we should try it on you."

Bonnie knew she had to think fast or she would soon be as bald as Kim, something she did not want to contemplate. Looking about frantically, her eyes settled on the fire extinguisher. "I don't think so, K," she said triumphantly as she reached out, yanked the red cylinder off the wall, and swung it at Kim.

As Bonnie hoped, Kim was momentarily caught off guard, affording the brunette an opportunity to wriggle free and sprint out of the locker room. Managing to keep a few steps ahead of Kim, Bonnie raced out to her white convertible, jumped in, turned the ignition and pulled away from the curb. The brunette sped away from the athletic center, laughing with immense satisfaction as the image of a furious, and very, very bald Kim Possible grew ever smaller in the rear view mirror.

V.

"Look," Junior said as he and Bonnie sat before his 100-inch plasma TV. "It is the National Cheer-off Competition!"

Bonnie grinned, knowing that Kim would be absent thanks to her hair treatment.

"This is Tricia Labowski, reporting from Go City Stadium, site of this year's National Cheer-Off. Joining me today is teen hero and college cheerleader Kim Possible," the broadcaster announced as Kim, who was wearing her cheer uniform and a college baseball hat, joined her.

"What!" Bonnie shrieked.

"I understand you've had an interesting couple of weeks," Tricia said.

"Understatement much?" Kim said with a grin. "First I had a run-in with a villain wannabee …"

"I am NOT a wannabee!" Bonnie yelled.

"… Then I had the stomach flu."

"It all sounds serious," Tricia said.

"No big, really," Kim said reassuringly. "Everything's fine now."

"So, tell us about the baseball cap. Is that related to your encounter?"

Kim smiled ruefully. "Yes. To be honest, I was pretty freaked after it happened."

"And what exactly was 'it'?"

Kim took off her hat, revealing her still-bald head.

"My hair fell out thanks to some modified shampoo," the teen hero said. "Fortunately, the people at Locks for Life said they could use the hair and Wade thinks he'll be able to develop a treatment."

"I'm not an expert on supervillains," the newswoman said, "but making someone's hair fall out sounds pretty juvenile."

"So juvenile," Kim said with a dismissive wave of the hand. "It was pre-villain, really."

"You take that back, Possible!" Bonnie screamed at the screen.

"I see your partner isn't here," Tricia said.

Bonnie relaxed. "Ha! I knew Stoppable would dump her!"

"Ron should be here any moment," Kim said, much to the brunette's disappointment. "He's bringing some special friends."

"Oh?"

"Yes," Kim said as she beamed with pride. "I mentioned that I was freaking after I lost my hair. Ron was such the help."

"How so?"

"Well, he pointed out that while this sitch might be embarrassing, it wasn't as if I had a life-threatening disease like cancer. That gave me an idea."

As if on cue, Ron arrived. He was wearing his football uniform and a baseball cap, and pushing a wheelchair that was occupied by a little girl who was also wearing a cap identical to his. Accompanying Ron were a number of nurses who were escorting other children, all of whom wore matching caps.

"Yo, KP!" he said jauntily

"Hi, Ron!" Kim replied cheerfully as she gave her BF a buss on the cheek. Then she turned to the newscaster. "Tricia, I'd like you to meet some of my heroes: kids fighting cancer."

"It's my pleasure," she said. Turning to Ron and the children, she continued, "I presume you'll be watching the competition today?"

"From the fifty yard line!" Ron enthused as the children cheered. "And we'll be cheering on the most bon-diggity cheerleader in the world and her amazing squad mates!"

Tricia peered at Ron for a moment. "I don't mean to be rude, but are you also …"

"Bald? As a naked mole rat," he said as took off his hat, revealing that he, too, was hairless.

"… Were you also a victim of Kim's assailant?"

"Nah," Ron said. "Just supporting my badical GF – and fitting in with my posse!" he added, gesturing towards the kids, who doffed their hats and cheered. Then Ron looked at his watch. "Hey, KP, it's time for the Bald Eagles to find their seats. We'd better go."

"See you after the Cheer-off," Kim said with a smile. She then leaned over and looked the little girl whom Ron was pushing in the eye. "Make sure he doesn't eat too many corn dogs."

"Will do!" the child agreed.

"Hey, I resemble that remark," Ron protested, earning a round of chuckles. He then rounded up his charges and began to lead them away. "Keep it real, ladies!" he said, waving at Kim and Tricia.

"A remarkable young man," the newscaster said.

"Yeah," Kim said warmly. "That's my guy."

"So, Bald Eagles?"

"That was Ron's idea," Kim said with a smirk. "And it was a ferociously good one."

"How so?"

"After I lost my hair, Ron reminded me that being bald didn't mean I couldn't still help people. It occurred to me that I wasn't the only person who might have felt funny about losing her hair. Imagine being a seven-year-old girl with leukemia!"

"That could be tough," Tricia said, nodding in understanding.

"Exactly," Kim said. "Ron and I have been visiting sick kids in the hospital since high school. I was so embarrassed about what happened, but then I realized that I could help these kids feel good about themselves in a way I never could before."

"They're lucky to have a role model like you," Tricia said.

"Actually, they're the role models. Fighting villains is nothing compared to what these kids have to deal with every day. It's been such an honor to get to know them."

"Well, good luck in the Cheer-off," Tricia said.

"Thanks," Kim said. "With Ron and the Bald Eagles rooting for us, we're going to rock!"

"Well, there you have it: a hero and her heroes," the broadcaster said. "This is Tricia Labowski, reporting from Go City."

VI.

"This is SO unfair!" Bonnie whined as she turned off the television.

"I do not understand," Junior said. "You are not the one without hair."

"I believe she is referring to Miss Possible's high spirits," Senor Senior said as he joined the two teens. "This was not the reaction you were anticipating, is it Miss Rockwaller?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "Possible should be, like, in hysterics!"

"You appear to have underestimated your foe's resiliency," Senor Senior said. "You would not be the first to do that with regard to Kim Possible."

"But my plan was perfect!" Bonnie complained. "It worked! She's bald and, and, and …"

"And yet she has found a way to turn her misfortune to her advantage," Senor Senior offered.

"Yes!" Bonnie said as she crossed her arms and scowled at the television set. "It's like so unfair."

"The villain's life is not always fair," Senior Senor said.

"Who says," Bonnie grumbled as she pouted.

"I believe it was the pompous, boring man who wrote the Book of Evil," Junior said.

"Very good, my son," Senor Senior said approvingly. "You have been doing your reading. I am most proud of you."

"Thank you, Papi," Junior said. "I remember what you said: if I completed all of my evil homework before the end of the weekend you would buy me a major movie studio."

"Indeed, I did," Senor Senior said. "I shall do so on Monday …"

"Oh goodie!" Junior said with glee. "Soon I will realize my dream of becoming an international celebrity!"

"… Right after we produce a movie that is filled with subliminal messages telling the audience to recognize us as the rulers of everything."

"But this is unfair!" Junior said. "You said nothing about such movies."

"And what did we just say about the life of villainy not always being fair?" Senor Senior replied.

"Excuse me," Bonnie snapped. "But can we talk about me?"

The two Seniors looked at one another, then at Bonnie.

"I believe I would rather talk about my movie studio," Junior said petulantly.

"Indeed," Senior agreed. "The evil possibilities are so enticing, especially when one considers the potential for product placements and niche marketing."

"I don't care about your stupid evil movies!" Bonnie yelled. "I care about K not freaking out even though she's as bald as her loser boyfriend's gross pet!"

Junior waved his hand dismissively and rolled his eyes, earning a hostile glare from his enraged girlfriend. "You are making a big deal out of a teensy weensy little thing," he said.

"What?" Bonnie shrieked. "This was my first plan! And it was brilliant!"

"Yes, I am sure you though it was," Senor Senior said sympathetically. "I, too, thought my first foray into evil, a plan to blackmail the Euro Alliance, was fool-proof. Little did I count on Miss Possible's resourcefulness in escaping my spinning tops of doom."

"And do not forget the little fishies she defeated," Junior added.

"Ah, yes, the koi," Senior said fondly.

"Okay, this stroll down memory lane is, like, fine, well actually it isn't. It's so boring," Bonnie said as she inspected her nails. "I just want to know what I'm supposed to do about Kim messing up my plan."

"This might be an excellent time to practice your evil laugh," Senor Senior suggested.

"And how will that make Kim fall apart?"

"It won't," Senor Senior said. "But evil laughter is chicken soup for the soul."

"Ugh," Bonnie said before she pulled at her hair.

"I have learned that you must pick yourself up, dust off your designer clothes, and try again," Junior pronounced with an air of authority.

"Who has replaced my indolent son with this perceptive evildoer?" a pleased Senor Senior wondered aloud. "Perhaps I shall let you become an international celebrity before we make our movie."

"Really?" Junior asked gleefully.

"Yes," Senor Senior said. "Indeed, you could star in our blockbuster film. I can imagine the premiere now …"

"The Hollywood movers and shakers, doers and dreamers, all gathered together to see me!" Junior crowed.

"Yes," Senor Senior said. "And to be brainwashed. After the showing, I shall rule the world!"

"And I will win an Oscar!" Junior enthused as he clasped his hands together.

"Come, Junior," Senor Senior said. "Let us begin implementing our new scheme!"

Excited by the prospect of becoming a film sensation, Junior leapt up from his seat and followed his father out the door, tittering like a schoolgirl with a back stage pass to meet the Oh Boyz as he contemplated the prospect of imminent stardom.

Bonnie sullenly watched the two men leave. She sat alone and fumed for a long time before she picked up the TV remote and turned on the television. Much to her annoyance, she was greeted by the image of a smiling Kim Possible, who was being held aloft by her teammates and was clutching a first-place trophy.

"… The most amazing cheer performance I have ever seen!" a sportscaster announced. "Kim Possible is without doubt the biggest thing to hit college cheerleading in years!"

"Humph," Bonnie grumped. She turned off the TV and hurled the remote in disgust. "Stupid TV person," Bonnie groused. "Thinking Kim is big."

Bonnie was fulminating when she had the idea. Suddenly, her scowl turned to a malevolent smile. She got up, found the phone, and placed a call. "Hello? Dr. Lent? I was wondering if …"

_The End?_

* * *

KP © Disney

Thanks to campy for beta and proofreading this story. A bottle of Le Goop is in the mail.

As always, leave a review and I'll send a response.


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